Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Zombies! + the CDC's and UF's zombie preparedness plan

Let's talk about zombies. There has been some weird stuff happening, due mostly to drugs (drugs are bad y'all) and crazy psychopath killers (who are also bad!). But my FB page exploded with people talking about zombies.

I'm not going to crack any jokes about the face eating thing, or the body parts thing. I think it's really sad and not in any way funny. So instead, I'm going to crack on a "rival" undergraduate school. Rival in the sense that if I followed sports I would care about the rivalry.

Zombies at the Swamp

A couple of years ago, the University of Florida (which is a great school btw...even though I didn't go there!) released it's plan for a zombie invasion. There was even a form that a UF employee could fill out explaining why they had to kill their infected co-workers. They had to show "symptoms of "Zombie Behavior Spectrum Disorder (ZBSD), like references to wanting to eat brains, or lack of rational thought (although this was noted to be confusing, as managers also had this symptom).

It also called for the University Police to form a UF Zombie Response Team. Also, operational tactics like how to distinguish "zombie moans" form "other moaning that might be encountered in the workplace".

This was obviously a joke, and most universities have actual disaster plans in place. And I can promise you that every university in Florida has one that deals with hurricanes/flooding.

Cracked.com has some articles that cracked me up (and come up under a google search of zombie apocalypse), titled 5 scientific reasons a zombie apocalypse could actually happen and 7 scientific reasons a zombie outbreak would fail (quickly).

the ACTUAL poster from the CDC. 

But don't worry, the US Government has your back. The Center for Disease Control and Prevention, you know, the guys that talk about what to do in emergencies (remember Anthrax?)  and public health, have a great sense of humor. It started off as a bit of a joke, in order to engage the American populace to pay attention to preparedness messages. Now, it's just epic. The CDC's official (seriously, it's legit) Zombie Preparedness guide, in order to be prepared for a zombie apocalypse. They also include a basic zombie emergency kit that can, coincidentally, also be used during Hurricanes.

Granted, since all the real life crazy-people attacks, the CDC had to release an official statement saying that zombies didn't exist.



Extra articles: 

If for some reason (like, you don't live in America or Canada, and have no clue what the zombie news stories are...here you go). This is the non-funny stuff

  1. Cannibal eats roommate in Maryland. He's been arrested for murder. 
  2. Guy from Miami (who was thought to be on bath salts/god knows what) who went crazy and attacked another man and tried to eat him. He was shot and killed by the police. The victim is still in the hospital. 
  3. Porn star who sent decapitated body parts to Canadian political offices. He's since been arrested in Berlin. 

The fun zombie extras!


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